I felt like it was just me who had that intense excruciating pain, it wasn’t.
I see that now.
I’ve never known much about alcoholics or drug addicts, but I can see now that they have that pain. Everyone does to a lesser or higher degree, some are not that sensitive to it.
The drugs are used to mask it. To numb it. It is not wanted to be felt because it would be too painful….it would overwhelm….it would kill.
Food, drugs, more noise, keep busy. Anything but that feeling.
I had no idea everybody was feeling this, but just hid from it in different ways.
As a child I thought it was just me.
What is that pain? What is being run from?
Feeling of abandonment; I’ve been left here. God left me here, alone.
I haven’t done anything wrong.
Why have I been left here.
I’ve got to protect myself.
I’ve got to look after myself.
I wanna go home.
I wanna find love.
I wanna go home!
This is the separate sense of self.
It appears in the human form.
It feels kicked out of heaven.
It’s only hope is to get back there.
While it is here, it has to numb that pain of separation or abandonment, to get on with this, to survive here.
It’s only hope however, is to get there.
It may not even understand this, it’s ‘there’ may be thought of as the career, the money, the partner, the fame.
The real ‘there’ is the end of that suffering, the end of the existence as separateness.
This is the drama of the human.
I guess the next question would be, “well how does that suffering end, how does the existence as separateness end?”
I don’t know how it ends. The dream of the separateness just ends.
For this human, it came across the message of non-separation, and it became addicted to listening to it. Over and over again, the message was spoken. This, This, This.
Until This was all that was left.